Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
