I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
