just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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