My room smells like vodka and shame
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
