dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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