im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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