Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
