There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
