I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
