this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
