I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
either way he was missing a nipple.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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