I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
