I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
