I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
