So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Girls should come with a carfax report
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
