It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Everything about him screamed your future.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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