tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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