This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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