You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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