my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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