Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
