Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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