You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
