And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
