After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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