my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
