i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
