The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
