is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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