My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
