While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
