if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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