ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
