WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
