I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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