You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i've created a new STD.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
