Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
