im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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