my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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