Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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