so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
