ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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