what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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