What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
