margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
