if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
