im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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