Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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