will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You pole danced in your parka.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize