it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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