Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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