Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
sarcasm needs its own font
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
