My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
