census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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