dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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