I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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