Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think my moral compass just broke
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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