can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
