She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
