i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
