so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
