god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
