Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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