Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
