very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
