If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
