You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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